cann’d

So Simon Crean is putting out the call for all Australian marketing agencies to “come up with a catch-all slogan, image or logo that best exemplifies Australia and promote it overseas.”

How would you sum up Australia in 10 words or less? Twitter had a good go at it this morning - here are some of the best.

Mabristow Australia: Everything is trying to kill you, even some of the sheep. Take the challenge!

paulkidd Come visit Australia. Just don’t come by boat.

nyxpru Australia. For a killer meet and greet at the airport

@paulkidd: Australia: Like New Zealand, but with fewer hobbits.

Warlach Australia: we’ll put pot in Boogie Board bags until there are no slappers to bother you…

edwardharran Australia: Come Down Under, cause we have only existed for 200 yrs, right?

nyxpru Get lost in Australia…literally.

ingvoldSTAR Australia. Even Schapelle Corby wants to come home!

@Warlach We gave you Hugh Jackman, you kind of owe us

@Warlach The world’s largest collection of poisonous things

@Karalee_ Australia: Now with 30% Less Winter

Warlach All our animals are lethal, it’s hot and it rarely rains. Why not visit and cheer us up?

Afficionados_HH Australia: Your mumma likes it.

ingvoldSTAR Relax, the dingo won’t steal your baby.

Afficionados_HH Australia: Where Backpackers go to unpack.

And my favourite:

lordfolland Australia- the only place in the world who still use girt.

If you’ve been in bed for a couple of days, recently Woman’s Day published some photos of Therese Rein - RuddyRudd Rudd’s wife for those not in the know - working out in the gym.

The woman has lost a crap load of weight - and looks great, so good on her. She is an innocent party in all this hoo har.

The big issue has been - should the photos have been published? Is the Prime Minister’s wife fair game when it comes to trash mags?

Many of the heavyweights have weighed their opinion. I’ve seen comparison’s to pop stars, Michelle Obama and even Princess Diana. Lucky Therese.

But funnily enough, it’s the boys who have gotten bitchy.

Seemingly pissed off by the fact that the photos were purchased and published, Crikey editor Jonathan Green has put out the call - for every and any photo of Woman’s Day editor Fiona Connolly:

“We are keen to learn more about Fiona Connolly, a woman now rewriting the bylaws and standards of Australian magazine publishing. Send us your candid photographs, schoolyard memories, late-night nightclub sightings … anything really. We’ll give them the attention they deserve.”

And he didn’t leave it at that and got all Gordon Ramsey on her:

“So who is this Woman’s Day editor, this 33-ish mother of one responsible for publishing perhaps the most egregious invasion of privacy in recent Australian magazine history? What more do we know about the woman once described by no less an authority than Kyle Sandilands as “fat toad”, a “fat lying mole” and “a little cretin” (and Kyle knows his fat cretins).”

Well well well. Poor Fiona. Enter white knight - Daily Telegraph’s Joe Hildbrand.

“Firstly I would like to place on the record that Fiona Connolly is the hottest chick going around and my greatest regret in life is that I can never be with her because she is far too devoted a wife and mother.”

And then the sucker punch.

“Secondly I would like to invite any readers to send in any dirt they have on Jonathan Green, including, to quote his own parameters, “candid photographs, schoolyard memories, late-night nightclub sightings … anything really”.”

And just in case you didn’t realise that he was angry:

“Sadly I’m skeptical much is out there because he sounds like the sort of guy who could do Philip Nitschke’s job just by talking to people at parties.”

Ouch! Love a good bitch fight.

Beyond the banter, the reality is nothing is sacred anymore. Good thing or bad thing, I’m not sure that anything is off limits these days.

So Fiona, beyond the canned PR speak - are you going to come out with some clever subtle jabs Tracey Grimshaw style? Surely it’s only fitting that you do…

This is a little off topic, but I couldn’t leave it out.

The Chaser gets those Cronulla Sharks - and orders them to show themselves.

Gold.

The Chaser hijacks the PA at Cronulla Sharks game